Of Conversations and Connecting
Ultimately all information & knowledge benefits from sharing
Stories of Vietnam is a two-year project that shares stories from that country, that era, that war. Some essays will feature aspects of my family’s time there in 1974-75. In others, we’ll hear the voices of those who were also “in country” during the war years. Others will be more current—travelogues and reviews. In each, I hope to spark some interest and perhaps some understanding about what the word Vietnam—and its echoes—means to each of us.
Writing about my family’s time in Vietnam has had its share of ups and downs. It goes without saying that it’s difficult subject matter, which perhaps leaves one to inquire where the “ups” might come into the equation.
Simply put the “ups” come through conversations and connections—moments that often come about through no contrivance of my own.
Oddly enough, I came fully into this realization when I was a seasonal cashier at L.L. Bean. Moments I shared with Vietnam veterans over the checkout counter were often moving and sometimes inspiring. After they departed, I’d find myself wondering, “What were the chances of that little sliver of connection and healing??”
Somewhere in those contemplations, I found the key to why it’s important for me to continue with these Vietnam inquiries.
It’s not the historical documentation—there’s plenty of that out there. It’s not about book sales or “building a platform.” It’s not about a personal healing journey.
It’s simply setting myself up to be available for conversations and connections should they come my way. It’s a very humble notion yet also feels wildly grandiose: Who am I to assume that crossing paths and connecting with me can or will solve anything?
Truly, I do not know.
However, I notice that those moments seem to lighten everyone’s load; it’s a unique privilege and one I am happy to enjoy.
Here is a particularly fun one:
Over ten years ago, shortly after I finally resolved to write about my family’s Vietnam stories, I revisited a 2010 email from my sister Marina.
It was a copy of a few pages from psywarrior.com. I was so intimidated by that name!
One of the many entries featured Vietnam radio propaganda programs and there in black and white was my dad’s name.
Seeing all that in print turned the mythical family stories into something tangible. I reached out to the writer, SGM Herb Friedman, in 2012 but was still so overwhelmed by the subject matter that I failed to follow up on our initial exchange.
Fast-forward an entire decade and in August of 2022, as I was preparing for an in-person and online presentation, I reached out again. First, I double-checked his site to be sure he was a real person.
Sure enough, he appeared real enough.
By this time, I had a great deal of research and writing under my belt—and had the benefit of the L.L. Bean connection experiences—and so my courage did not falter.
He quickly and kindly consented to my request to reference his site and he even attended the presentation via Facebook Live.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, he took a screenshot of the presentation and in quick order added it to his pantheon of information regarding propaganda in the military sphere.
I must say, this feels like quite a victory for me—from trembling in my boots at the prospect of communicating with him to feeling like a comrade-in-arms in the curation of historical information.
I was more than a little thrilled when he again updated psywarrior.com to include a review of For the Love of Vietnam: a war, a family, a CIA official, and the best evacuation story never heard.
Herb and I are now Facebook friends and now and then we exchange propaganda trivia. It is, I must say, a most delightful connection.
With all the hardship that war in general and the Vietnam Era in particular has brought us, is it wrong to find a little joy coming from all of it?
I most humbly say, I hope not.
To quote Helen Keller:
“The struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings . . .
It teaches us that although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.
My optimism, then, does not rest on the absence of evil, but on a glad belief in the preponderance of good and a willing effort always to cooperate with the good, that it may prevail.”
“Bonus Material”
Flash Memoir posted on Oct 30, 2020. Don’t tell Herb, but I did quote his site herein as well!
Do You Mind??
When I was little I heard the ol’ tale about each of us having an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.
Oh, if only life were so simple.
It seems ever since humans began to relate there has been a need to influence one another.
Perhaps it began with: “Come with me on this hunt. No, of course, it’s not going to be dangerous.”
Over time, the ways to sway others to one’s cause have burgeoned from one-on-one persuasion to what we have now, a supercomputer explosion of analytics and algorithms all designed to hijack your attention, opinion, and, ultimately, actions. The documentary “The Social Dilemma” offers a good in-depth look at the phenomena.
There’s a military term for this: psychological warfare. (See psywarrior.com for more including a few paragraphs about my father’s work in VN.)
The stated goal is quite simple: “Capture their minds and their hearts and souls will follow.”
“A proven winner in combat and peacetime, PSYOP is one of the oldest weapons in the arsenal of man. [It is] simply learning everything about your target enemy … Once you know what motivates your target, you are ready to begin psychological operations.”
Interestingly, if you replace “enemy” with “consumer,” this works perfectly for the advertising industry … or if you replace it with “audience” it works for writing or broadcasting.
The battle for our minds has never seemed more obvious than today. One of the greatest defenses, I think, is tuning into our own voice which is why I advocate for writing practice so much.
In the words of Natalie Goldberg:
It should be put forward in the Declaration of Independence, along with other inalienable rights: ‘Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness—and writing.’
So interesting and well written!
So interesting an well written!